Well, I survived it. I presented to the Boonslick Women’s Business Network with my take on achieving some sort of Work-Life Balance, and I have to admit, it’s been interesting analyzing myself while writing about this topic and hearing what everyone else has to say. As I said in the last post, and multiple times during the presentation, it’s a process. It takes practice for some people, especially when you have that nagging inner voice that’s saying, you really need to finish up that project at work while you’re playing with your child or that inner voice screaming at you as you leave early for work to finish that project and don’t get to wake your child up for a kiss and hug goodbye. Here are some more tips that might help you achieve a little peace of mind that I didn’t mention in the last post: Health and Wellness This has been a personal challenge for me, but I know I share this with many moms. Sometimes you feel like you’re barely holding it together between work and home responsibilities. Now I’m supposed to take time to be healthy for my own wellbeing? Psh! Before my son was born, I was an avid runner, running at least six miles most days. I competed in half marathons and marathons, even running the Boston Marathon. When I competed, I trained hard. Sometimes running 65 miles per week even during 60 hour work weeks. I would do tempo runs and track workouts. Life on the fitness side since having my son is a little different. I don’t generally have time to run twice a day or devote hours of my time after work to exercising. I wouldn’t see my son at all if I did. Lately with the busy work schedule, I have been talking myself out of exercising in the evenings. I just can’t bare to sacrifice what little time I have with my son. However, exercising is important for my mental and physical health, and I feel like a better mother when I take time for it. I’ve found a few ways to make it easier to work out with a young one. When the weather is nice, I make my son part of it by taking him out in the jogging stroller. I may not be able to run for as long, but I feel like pushing that jogging stroller makes up for some of that. I also have an app on my phone called “12 Minute Athlete” that has 12-minute and 16-minute HIIT sessions. It costs $2.50 (last I checked), but it’s a one-time fee. For short workouts, you can get a good sweat and cardio session in. Even on the busiest of days, I can find 12 minutes to work out. And I still feel like I’ve accomplished something afterward. If you’re thinking that it’s taking even 12 minutes from your child, have them join you. Turn up the music. Kids love to dance! They are witnessing you doing something healthy, and just maybe they’ll learn to be healthy too. Another thing that has helped me find time to exercise more is Beach Body On Demand. I buy a yearly membership so I can have access to online workout videos. This is particularly handy if I want to squeeze in a workout while my son is napping at our house. Eating better is something that has become a priority for me more recently. I have always been a fitness nut, but I always ate whatever I wanted. I used my activity level as an excuse to eat bad things frequently. I’m also not a big veggie eater, so my diet primarily consisted of meat and carbs. After being diagnosed with cancer and realizing that I don’t have the metabolism of a 15-year-old anymore, I started consulting with a registered dietitian to find ways to eat healthier. I’m in a place where I want to do as much as I can to stay healthy so I can continue to chase my toddler around, run my busy practice, and hopefully stay cancer-free! Sure, I mix in some pizza or Mexican food a few times a week, but again, it’s all about balance. So remember that even though you’re a busy mom, invest in your health. Get off the couch and move, eat a vegetable (or three or four) every once in awhile, and take a little time for yourself doing something you enjoy. Your mind and body will thank you for it. Keeping Up with the Joneses (or the Kardashians?) I don’t feel as though this is something that is challenging for me personally, but I have included it because it can be a struggle for a lot of people. I guess I’m fortunate in that I’ve always had the, “I don’t care what other people think, I’m going to do my thing and do what I want” attitude. For that, I am thankful. Part of it may be that I’m just overly confident. The other may be that I was raised and work in a farming community, where status striving isn’t as important or common. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind having extra money for little things I like, like Stitch Fix and a few hours in a nice salon, but money envy has never really been my thing. However, in the era of social media, it gives us the opportunity to show off how wonderful our lives are, or the new house or new car we just bought. Sure, when I first got out of veterinary school and I was pinching pennies living in a small 600-square foot cabin and driving a beater car, I would get a little envious of that fellow veterinary graduate who bought an Escalade or a fancy new house. Try not to compare yourself to others. It’s okay to be competitive, but be competitive against the person you were yesterday. Know that what people post on Facebook are simply the highlights of their life through rose colored glasses. Everyone has struggles that people don’t know about. And those people with fancy cars or the fancy new house? They’re probably just going to be in debt forever. Also, spending time with the right people is important. If you spend a lot of time with people who spend money like there’s no tomorrow and pressure you to spend recklessly, it’s time to re-evaluate your friend choices. Find a group of friends who values economic stability and can practice self control. While I can’t relate to the money envy aspect of this issue, there is one thing I can relate to. I think it’s easy for us to get tied up in the minutia that we feel we should be doing. I felt a pang of guilt a few weeks ago when it was St. Patrick’s Day, and I didn’t have a St. Patrick’s themed shirt for my son to wear. His dad’s side of the family is Irish, so it seemed important. I hurriedly ordered one on Zulily, but I was too cheap to pay for the rush shipping. I knew it probably wouldn’t make it in time, but I could only hope. Maybe it will fit next year? A week or so later, we went to church on Easter Sunday. I was marveling at all of the cute Easter outfits on all of the babies and toddlers, realizing that I didn’t have an Easter outfit, or even any dress clothes in my son’s size. It’s easy to beat yourself up over little things like this, until you realize that it’s only for appearances. Sure, dressing up your kid is fun, but sometimes making sure your kid has the most current wardrobe and holiday appropriate clothing is something that falls through the cracks when you work long hours, and that’s okay. When you're a busy mom, your house may not always look like a scene out of Pottery Barn, or your kid's wardrobe might need a little updating. That's okay. They invented house cleaners and Amazon Prime for a reason. Does my son know he’s loved by my husband and I? Yes. Is he learning and developing normally? Yes. Are we meeting his mental and activity needs to ensure he continues to develop normally? Yes. Am I doing my best to foster a loving and caring environment for him while simultaneously teaching and giving limitations and disciplining appropriately? Yes. If you answer yes to all of those questions and you’re managing to hold things together at work, you’re doing an excellent job. Keep things simple, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Compartmentalizing Work vs. Home I think some of the best advice I have received regarding work-life balance is to compartmentalize your work and home life. When you’re at work, be at work. When you’re at home, be at home. Yes, I realize it is impossible to do this 100%. Especially in my profession when I am on call and receiving calls and questions while I’m at home, or leaving home after hours to check on patients. It can be challenging to come home and not worry about that patient that isn’t doing as well as you like, or the disgruntled client that might try to reem you on Yelp. However, when you spend a lot of time at work and have just a few hours each night with your little ones and family, it’s crucial to focus on the quality of time you have with them. From the time I’m home from work to the time my son goes to bed, I try to focus on him as much as possible. We play, we read books, we sing, and we dance. If I find myself thinking about a case or a situation at work during this playtime, I try to remind myself to live in the present. One thing I make an effort to do with my son every night is to give him a bath and lay down with him as he falls asleep, with exception for the times I’m out of town or out on an emergency. This is our special time together, and something we do together consistently. Also, during bath time or cuddle-to-sleep time, I do not answer my phone, even when I’m on call. Neither of these tasks take a very long period of time, so it can wait for five minutes. On the other hand, when I’m at work, I try to focus on my patients and my tasks for the day. Again, being more efficient will just help me get home to that baby more often. Just admit to yourself that when you try to be 50/50, you’re less effective. It’s Okay (and Good) to Say No I struggle with this, and I think a lot of other veterinarians do too. We’re people pleasers and over-achievers, so when someone asks you to join that board or take on an extra project, we say yes. However, I have found that having a child has helped me prioritize and say “no” more often out of necessity. I do my best to stay involved in the community. I’m on a couple of boards for different organizations, I teach a 4-H Veterinary Sciences Class, and my clinic participates in several community events. However, when you work like I do, you can’t say yes all the time. I have found that if an extracurricular activity is not going to bring me joy and satisfaction and it is simply going to make my life more hectic, then it’s easy to say no to. If you have trouble saying no to people’s face or over the phone, simply say, “Let me think about it, and I’ll contact you via e-mail in a couple of days.” This gives you an opportunity to gracefully bow out. Mutual Support and Personal Choice It’s important to know that what may be balanced for you would not be balanced for someone else. Some moms like me consistently work over 50 hours each week, see their kids on evenings and weekends, and for the most part, find satisfaction in that. Others stay home part-time or full-time. For moms, it is so important for us to come from a place of mutual support and respect. Too often, mothers who work outside the home and mothers who work inside the home get pitted against each other, and ultimately, we all suffer because of it. Too often we get too distracted by trying to compete for who has it worse or just judging each other in general. The truth is, no matter what your work life or lifestyle is, Momming is hard. We can all use all the support we can get. Working moms aren’t neglecting their children. And SAHMs aren’t vapid women without ambition that lay around and watch TV in leggings all day. We all work hard and share similar experiences, so let’s come together and support each other. Another thought I would like to leave you with is having a good work-life balance isn’t about having that perfect balance of home life and work life every. Single. Day. That’s simply not realistic. There will be some days or weeks that you need to focus on work, but those need to be balanced out with days that you are just a mom, wife, or partner. I don’t have it all figured out yet, and I certainly don’t feel like an expert on this subject, but I hope that some of the things I have learned on this journey of my veterinary career and motherhood can help others. Keep on truckin’, ladies!
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Jessica Stroupe, DVM
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August 2017
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