My husband and I married young, and we had nine childless married years. Because of that, we had several years where our dog was our baby. My dogs were bathed once weekly, teeth brushed, top-of-the-line dog food, daily running/exercise, and the freedom to roam the family farm, eat dead things, and do pretty much anything dogs love to do. On Valentine's Day weekend in 2016, we adopted Harley from the Jefferson City shelter. I decided to name her Harley as a cute joke as my husband has been wanting a Harley Davidson for quite awhile. She was a little thin and apprehensive. It was obvious she had never been walked on a leash. The first month or so that we had her, I would wake up early and play Frisbee with her before work. She would go to work with me (we couldn't trust her to leave her at the house yet). Often my mom would pick up her granddog and take her hiking with her dogs. Harley was quick to gain our trust and became part of our family. She wanted to always be near us and would frequently get separation anxiety. She even seemed afraid of the dark. This was a stark difference from my last Great Pyrenees, Shalane, who loved us but was fiercely independent, so it was an adjustment, but we put the effort into making her comfortable in our home because we already loved her. About a month after we adopted Harley, I found out I was pregnant. Harley still continued to be spoiled, of course. I wanted to stay fit and active during my pregnancy, so during the summer, I would wake up at 4:45 A.M. to run before work and during the coolest part of the day. Harley would usually join me. She's a Great Pyrenees, so running is not her forte, but she would usually run about half of the four miles with me and, most importantly, she would join me for a post-running selfie. I ran up until 36 weeks of my pregnancy (two weeks before Leland was born). I calculated that Leland (and Harley) joined me for 650 miles of running during my pregnancy. It was a great chance to bond with Harley. Not much changed while I was pregnant. Some people say their dog became more protective while they were pregnant. I honestly didn't notice any major behavioral changes with Harley during my pregnancy. She may have been slightly more protective and clingy, but since she was so new to our home, it’s hard to tell. Then, at 38 weeks pregnant, I gave Harley a pet or two before work, not knowing that I would be induced that afternoon followed by eight days at the hospital. Luckily, Harley was good about staying near our house on the farm at this point, so she could be trusted outside (and preferred to stay outside most of the time). My in-laws who live just down the road came to the house daily to feed and water Harley and our cat, Linus. I'm sure that her family suddenly being gone for over a week must have been hard on Harley. At the time, I was so distracted and occupied with having a new baby and a NICU stay that the changes Harley was experiencing weren't at the forefront of my mind. About all I could muster at that point was to make sure her basic needs were met (food, water, and shelter). Meanwhile, I was learning how to meet those basic care needs of our new baby. After eight days in the hospital, we returned home with a brand new baby. Harley would stop and smell the baby but seemed somewhat apathetic towards our new family member. Most new moms know that the first couple of weeks of motherhood are exhausting. Harley, I'm sure, had her own set of stressors. She picked up on the changes in the house and started scratching at the door to be let in and out about every 10 minutes. She would often request to be let in and out in the middle of the night. When you're already waking up every two hours with an infant, this was quite the hassle. Harley’s antics and ploys for attention fell on somewhat deaf ears. Sure, we would feed and water her and give her a few pats on the rare occasion we weren’t preoccupied. To be honest, my dog annoyed me when I first brought my baby home. I resented her when she would scratch at the door while my baby was napping and wake him up. She felt like a burden. A burden that I couldn't possibly take care of. How could I feel so differently about our pet that was our only baby just a few weeks ago? As the weeks went by, my baby Leland started sleeping through the night and I felt less overwhelmed. We then moved into our new home where we have more space and room to breath. I still wasn't a star pet owner by any means, but I no longer felt irritated by my dog. Harley loves the wrap around porch on the new house. She especially loves to sit on the porch right outside the window next to Leland’s crib and bark at coyotes. Luckily, Leland has no problem sleeping through barking dogs. However, there was more than one occasion where I would be rocking Leland to sleep only to have Harley bark outside the window and Leland would jolt awake. I would mutter, “Gee Harley. I wish you wouldn't do that, you silly, sweet dog.” Or something like that with colorful vocab and high octave screaming. The biggest challenge to balancing a fur baby and a new baby is time. When you work long hours like I do, you want to spend every waking moment you're not working with your baby. That doesn't leave much time for taking your dog on a walk, brushing out cockleburs, or just giving your dog attention. Fortunately, Harley is not particularly needy. Exercise is important and a big part of my life, so I try to incorporate family time, dog time, and running as much as I can. Sometimes I do this by running down the gravel road with baby in the jogging stroller and the dog following us. When the weather is nice, we'll hang out on the porch and my husband or I will brush the dog while the other holds the baby, throwing tufts of white hair over the railing to the eager birds building their nests for spring. After six months of being a mother, I still feel like a negligent dog owner. In the grand scheme of things, Harley lives a pretty good life. She gets top-of-the-line dog food and parasite prevention. She has free roam of a great farm. She has her very own wrap around porch that she can sit on and survey her domain, not to mention she has plenty of coyotes to bark at, which is any Pyrenees’s dream. She even gets visits from the neighboring goat dogs. However, I know I'm not giving her as much attention as I should. I don't exercise her enough, bath her enough, or pet her enough, but if there's one thing I've learned from motherhood, it's to give yourself some grace. I may not be training for a marathon, have a perfectly clean house, or get pet owner of the year, but my baby is happy and healthy, and so is my dog. Heck, I'm even happy and healthy for the most part (aside from the fact that my body hasn't seen a vegetable in years). My advice to new mothers with pets is this: Don't feel guilty for resenting your dog or feeling annoyed and overwhelmed. It's normal. Just keep taking care of them and you'll adjust to your new normal. Don't give up on your pet, give them away, or take them to a shelter simply because motherhood is hard. They are our loyal companions and they deserve nothing less from us. Also, as a precaution, never EVER leave a dog alone in a room with a baby, even if you are certain they will be gentle. Babies smell different and make loud noises, which can cause even “good” dogs to lash out and attack. Dogs can injure your child without even intending to.
Do I love my dog in the same way I do my son? No. But she's still my fur baby and a beloved member of our family. I am glad that Leland can grow up with a dog like Harley. And who knows? They might roam the farm together someday!
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Jessica Stroupe, DVM
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August 2017
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