On July 21st, my husband and I celebrated our nine year anniversary. Four of those years I was a veterinarian, and the four years before that I was in veterinary school. Needless to say, veterinary medicine has been a large part of our married life so far. It’s had its ups and downs, but I couldn’t have done it without him. This is my attempt at an anniversary gift for my husband, and it’s late, of course. Sorry, Honey! The following is a list of pros and cons of being married to a veterinarian. There are quite a few cons, and I don’t want to make myself look just terrible, so we’ll start with the cons and I’ll attempt to redeem myself and my profession with the pros at the end. Cons - Or The Things that Make Life Interesting 1. We’re perfectionists. Living with a perfectionist can certainly have its benefits. My husband is a big picture person and I’m quite detail-oriented. Most veterinarians fit this category. In order to even get into veterinary school, most veterinary students graduate at the tops of their classes. Practicing medicine also requires someone who can focus on minute details but also the big picture at the same time. It’s no surprise these traits overflow into the home and cause us to drive our spouses crazy. For those of you who know the Stroupes, perfectionist is not the term you would use for them. However, they do have a trend of marrying women with Type A personalities, which can make things interesting. For example: They think time is a floating goal rather than a set limit, which is just a nice way to say they are always late. Grrrr! They have to be instructed in detail how to dress for social occasions. They believe that you should use as little wire as possible to fix any fence or gate. And they believe if that cow doesn’t look quite right, we better leave it another day or two. My husband, the typical Stroupe, gets to listen to me complain about things that wouldn’t even phase him otherwise. For instance, his hatred of mowing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not big on landscaping myself. However, the last time I mowed the lawn, it turned into a dangerous grass scavenger hunt. The “treasures” I found included cow bones, some of Patrick’s old running shoes, a piece of a hair brush, an extension cord, a hammer, and a machete. A machete! So you can imagine how interesting our home life can be sometimes. So yes, my husband gets nagged about not throwing chicken bones outside for the dogs to eat, not throwing his clothes around the front yard when he’s “cleaning” out the car, his grammar, spelling, using a coaster (just kidding on that one), sorting laundry correctly, not throwing his tea bags in the sink, and leaving machetes in tall grass to kill me. Poor guy! 2. We’re impatient. Many of you might think based on our job descriptions that veterinarians are extremely patient. Most of us are good at applying patience in our daily routine at our jobs, but I’m going to tell you that this is an act (at least in my case). When we get home from work, we’ve been pretending to be patient all day, so don’t expect us to extend that same kindness to you. While attending a veterinary meeting on client communication, I learned that it takes most doctors (including MDs), less than 20 seconds to interrupted their clients. At this point in the meeting, my husband chimed in that it takes his wife less than 10 seconds to interrupt him. That’s probably fair enough, but I punched him in the arm nonetheless. I’ll admit that after listening to long, drawn-out stories from clients all day, I sometimes zone out when my husband (or anyone), is telling me a story when I get home. My advice is to throw in a few swear words or juicy details to keep our attention. 3. We don’t like to cook. I’m sure this rule doesn’t apply to all veterinarians, however, most of my colleagues (including myself) rely on their spouses to do most of the cooking. We do like to eat, though. If you marry a veterinarian, you better enjoy cooking or learn how to enjoy it. My meals when my husband is out of town consist of Tuna Helper, mac ‘n cheese, and brats. My associate’s wife has also recently been out of town for a stretch of time. I have seen the leftovers he brings in progress from pre-prepped casseroles that his wife was nice enough to make to simply microwaving chicken tenders the other day. Just chicken tenders. No carbs, veggies, or starches. I think most of us vets would starve without our spouses cooking for us. That or eat takeout every night like our single counterparts. If you’re a veterinarian, show your appreciation to your spouse or significant other. Make them dinner one night. I have to make dinner when my husband is out of the house because apparently watching me cook makes him nervous, but he usually appreciates the effort at least. You could also go the lazier route and take them out to dinner if your cooking is atrocious. 4. Our schedules are unpredictable. Make a nice dinner for that veterinarian in your life? Make reservations or date plans? There’s a good chance we may have to cancel or show up late. A veterinarian may be a perfect match for you if you’re looking for someone you don’t have to actually see that often. Most veterinarians are quite familiar with the 5 P.M. emergencies on Friday evenings, which is usually an animal that has been sick for about a week. Luckily, my husband is laid back and just rolls with the craziness of my job. However, I’m sure it’s not easy at times. 5. Gross dinner conversation. Veterinarians have absolutely no concept of appropriate dinner conversation. My husband was raised on a farm, so this doesn’t really phase him at this point. Between the farmers and a veterinarian in the family, many may be shocked to hear what is discussed at Stroupe family gatherings. My sister-in-law complained after an Easter dinner because she had to listen to a 20 minute conversation about semen. As a veterinarian, it’s easy to forget that people might not want to hear about cattle reproduction or the huge abscess you lanced on a cow while they’re eating potato soup. Some family members have just stopped asking me about work, probably for this reason. While the graphic details of my job may not bother my husband, I’m sure he’s at least experienced some degree of embarrassment based on my willingness to discuss these things freely with anyone and everyone. 6. You’ll probably have a lot of pets. Yeah, we’re suckers. Our job also provides us with plenty of opportunities to adopt or foster strays. We get clients who can’t afford care for their pet and may relinquish their pets to the clinic. If you’re married to a veterinarian, you might see them walk in the door with an extra animal. They’ll say, “we’re just keeping her for a few days until I can find a home.” Five dogs later, and they’re onto you. I must say that with one dog and one cat, I haven’t gone too overboard. However, my husband has had to adjust to a different approach with pets. Being raised on a farm, the dogs were loved and cared for but were mostly outside. Harley, our current rescue, certainly spends a fair amount of time in the great outdoors, but she comes inside whenever she wants. She gets bathed, her teeth brushed, her own special dog bed, and toys. This was totally foreign to my husband at first, but I have to say he has adjusted quite well. 7. Your spouse may smell like a barn or rotting flesh. Spouses of large or mixed animal veterinarians in particular may sympathize with this one. I’ve come home many times after delivering a rotten calf, performing a cesarean, or working with pigs. None of these smells are pleasant, and most spouses of veterinarians just have to learn to deal with it. I also can’t tell you how many times Patrick has been talking to me and will all of a sudden ask, “What is in your hair?” or, “Did you see that blood on your ear?” I would suggest at least making the veterinarian in your life do their own laundry. The good news is most vets have relatively good hygiene and are motivated to clean up as quickly as possible. However, there are some smells that are just hard to get rid of. I’ve found that for the rotten flesh smell on hands, toothpaste works quite well. Pros - Or Why My Husband Keeps Me Around 1. We’ve seen it all. It’s literally impossible in most cases to gross us out, and nothing phases us. For instance, I picked up the machete that had been tossed into the long grass in our yard and basically shrugged my shoulders. Nothing surprises me. I once had a client walk in with their pet (an emergency) on a Sunday morning drunk and carrying their drink with them (at least they were a happy drunk). I’ve also had an emergency house call end with the cops being called because the neighbors were concerned for my safety. You get the picture? We know how to take in the craziness of life and roll with it. 2. “Sugar Momma/Sugar Daddy”. The only reason I'm putting this here is because 1) I don't have a lot of pros to work with, so I'm adding whatever I can, and 2) I have been given this title many times (usually by people who aren't my husband). It's true that most of the veterinarians I know are the primary breadwinners of their family. When I was a young soon-to-be bride at 21, I figured I had made the ultimate move. All of my friends thought I was getting married because I was knocked up (because that's why most women these days get married at that age). The truth is, I had met the love of my life, and like any smart woman, you know you have to trap the good ones at a young age. Turns out, he had trapped me! He could smell my ambition and overachieverness (is that a word?) from a mile away. Of course, I kid (somewhat). My husband is the man of my dreams whom I know feels the same way about me, and I don't regret for a second marrying young as it's given me even more time with him. However, I have a hard time thinking of myself as a sugar momma. Mainly because that would make Patrick a trophy husband, and we all know he doesn't clean enough to fit that title. That and he's way too mouthy. To give him a little credit, he also works very hard. If my husband did, in fact, marry me for my earning potential, he probably could have picked a better profession than veterinarian. However, it pays the bills, which I guess is good compensation for less than ideal dinner conversation. 3. We keep useful “tools” lying around. And by tools, I mean surgical instruments. Hemostats, for instance, have many uses. Like clamping a chip bag shut, tricky earring removal, pulling jammed paper strips out of a paper shredder, plucking your eyebrows, and tick removal. While using my suture scissors to remove some stitches from my husband’s leg, he yelled, “Don't pull so hard on them! I'm not a cow!” He received those stitches shortly after I graduated veterinary school. He lacerated his leg from a glass milk jug that fell out of my truck, hit the running board, and shot into his leg. While he was still saying, “F….F….F....” I had bandages ready and the doctor on the phone (only because I’m not licensed to work on humans and my husband is a big baby). Ironically, the doctor used the exact same chromic gut suture that I carried in my truck to sew him up. Dangit! We could have saved a bundle! 4. We have a winning sense of humor. If you're married to a veterinarian, they're probably the most cynical, sarcastic person you've ever met. Most of us have a pretty twisted, inappropriate sense of humor, but that just keeps life interesting! 5. We're the calm in the storm. As veterinarians, we know how to reassure people during stressful times. We make life and death decisions all the time and can assess serious problems. Crisis mode is where we shine (most of us at least). Is it a bad thing that I feel the most calm when others are having a borderline mental breakdown? That is, unless you’re a cryer. Luckily, I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my husband cry. Because my first instinct when someone is crying is to give them a sympathetic pat on the shoulder with a broom (because touching people is weird) and leave the room. 6. We’re quite helpful with detailed, mind-numbing tasks. Veterinarians endured a grueling curriculum and years of school. We're perfectionists, as mentioned in the cons section, and we know how to work hard. I don't get to feel very useful in our home all that often, but there are times when my husband actually does need me. I proofread things for him, design resumes, organize his calendar (make sure he doesn't miss his appointments), pay bills, tax preparation, fill out forms, make budgets, and many other things that most people hate to do. It's not that I love doing these things, but I want them to be done RIGHT! I’ll conclude this post with a bit of a tribute to my husband since I’ve roasted him a little bit. And like I said, I also plan on this being our anniversary gift. Thankfully, my husband is willing to take the good with the bad. He rolls with the punches, which is one of his many great qualities. He accompanies me on my emergencies without a single complaint (even though he already does plenty of physical work at his regular full-time job). During and even before my pregnancy, he has taken over much of the sketchy, dangerous, cowboy work that I have to do after-hours. He does whatever it takes to help and protect me and Pip (our baby), and by doing so has enabled me to keep working with cattle and other big, dangerous animals during my pregnancy. I still don’t know how I’ve managed to find such a selfless, talented, hard working, and ridiculously attractive man. I’ve also somehow managed to keep such a man around! It must be my mouthy, sarcastic personality and endless good stories from my job. I want to thank my husband for being the man he was intended to be and the best partner in crime anyone could ask for. I couldn’t do what I do without you.
3 Comments
Betsythevet
7/18/2017 07:05:18 pm
Best post ever. The accuracy is mind numbing. Or bone chilling.
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Emily Tavares
2/24/2018 09:58:58 am
I love this post! I am currently a freshman in college studying biochemistry looking to attend vet school in the future. I was worried about how it would affect married life but this definitely eased my nerves a bit! You are amazing! :)
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Husband to a vet
8/9/2019 12:16:51 am
This week my beautiful bride and I celebrate 19 years of marriage. We met and started dating after her first year of under grad at MSU and were engaged a year later. Our wedding date was determined on whether or not she got into vet school. She did, so we put our wedding off for a couple of years until after her second year of vet school. You see, her parents were paying for some of her school, and the wallet closed when the I do's were said, so we decided to keep that wallet open for a while :-). So I was there with her for all of vet school and all 17 years as a DVM so far. I loved reading this blog, it has so many similarities to our life. I always joked that I wanted to marry a doctor so I could be a stay at home dad and trophy husband....like you said, this job pays the bills :-). It makes me laugh when people think we swim in cash...my vet is my sugar mama too....:-)
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Jessica Stroupe, DVM
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August 2017
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