If you’re curious by the title of this blog post, then you guessed it! Your sassy, local veterinarian and FAVORITE blogger is pregnant! Now that I’ve entered my second trimester (or P2 as we like to call it at the clinic) and felt baby kick for the first time this week (Eeeeee!!!), I figured it was time for a pregnancy-related blog post. Any woman who has been pregnant or had a child knows what it’s like to experience the endless commentary from friends, family, and the general public. This can vary from feelings of support, compliments, very personal questions, or even comments/questions that are just downright strange or offensive. We’re going to discuss the latter because it’s much more entertaining. Veterinarians certainly aren't immune to these comments, most of which are the same things every pregnant woman hears. Since I’m still somewhat of a newbie to this whole pregnancy thing, I’ve also polled some fellow colleagues of mine for their most interesting comments or experiences. Pregnancy seems to give people free reign to comment about your body, attempt to touch you, ask you very personal questions, criticize your decisions, or even open up to you and give you very personal details about their own life. It can make for some pretty interesting dialogue. Enjoy! 1.) Are you supposed to be drinking that? *points at my coffee* I have observed that this category of comment, generally regarding what you should and shouldn't be doing while pregnant, tend to come from men. In the presence of a pregnant woman, many men miraculously become experts in obstetrics. Yes, I have continued my love affair with coffee during pregnancy, drinking just enough to tease me and get me through the work day. So shoot me. Also, drinking coffee in moderation is perfectly healthy for a pregnant woman and her unborn child. Science says so! After quitting wine cold turkey, quitting coffee is too much of a burden to bear, especially with a rigorous work schedule. My advice to men or women tempted to scold a pregnant woman on her health decisions is to simply not do it, unless you're their doctor. It's fair to say that most veterinarians are going to be making informed, educated decisions about their baby’s and their own health. Best not to provoke a hormonal woman that castrates for a living. 2.) You're really going to take maternity leave? It's probably hard to believe that people who are this out-dated actually still exist, but they do. I'm admittedly somewhat of a workaholic. But even for someone like me, cutting the cord, throwing my baby in a sling, shoving ice packs down my pants, and moving on with my work day sounds less than ideal. Yes, I'm going to do my best to stay away from work as much as possible for six weeks (a very minimal amount of time in most countries). I'm not really a parenting expert, but I've heard it's important and time consuming to care for your newborn in the early stages. Bonding is good too. Oh, and maybe healing up from the fact that your birth canal had to accommodate a tiny human’s SHOULDERS. Okay, okay, everybody should recognize my sarcasm here, but when I get this question, or when others before me have gotten this question, it’s almost like a trap. There is no good answer to this question. It’s not even really a question at it’s intention; it’s a criticism. Veterinarians have a lot to consider and details to work out for their maternity leave. Many have to hire relief veterinarians to handle their caseload. Like many other American women, they have to save up as most of them get unpaid leave. If you own a practice like I do, you have to drop in periodically to take care of business things, like monthly taxes and other paperwork...or find someone you can rely on to do that for you if such a person exists. Veterinarians have to to decide for themselves how long to be away. Unfortunately, those decisions are often based more on what they can afford than their personal needs. If you go back to work too soon in order to fulfill your professional responsibilities or for financial reasons, you’re a horrible, workaholic mom that puts work before her child. If you take extra time or leave to be with your child, you’re just the “typical” female professional that pushes their work responsibilities onto others in order to “have it all.” It’s a lose-lose situation. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in these few months of being pregnant and will continue to learn, it’s impossible to satisfy everyone. People will bully and criticize you for the decisions you make as a pregnant woman and as a parent no matter what you do. All you can do is your best, and make the decisions that you think work best for you, your child, and your family. The rest of it doesn’t matter. 3.) Are you going to deliver your own baby? I don’t think any pregnant veterinarian, especially one that works with large animals, can avoid comments like this. There’s usually several references to calf jacks (essentially a come-along that is hooked up to a cow to get a calf out in the event of a tight squeeze) and OB chains. One of my husband’s friends even suggested he bring the OB chains and handles to the hospital as a joke. However, he also warned my husband that I might not have a sense of humor at that point. It’s all about comedic timing. Like many women, I consider myself an excellent multi-tasker, but the combination of labor and delivering my own child might be a bit too much. I try to forget about the fact that both of the veterinarians that owned my practice before me each delivered one of their children alongside the highway on the way to the hospital. This trend concerns me. Do you think it’s possible to just rent a hospital room a month beforehand? 4.) You look too small! I can’t even tell you’re pregnant! I usually choose to take this particular comment as a compliment, but it can also be used to imply that you’re not gaining enough weight during your pregnancy. There are many reasons why women may show more or less than others, from genetics, core strength, height, where they’re carrying, how many children they’ve had, etc. Most of these reasons have nothing to do with their health or the health of their baby. Odds are, their doctor is monitoring their health and weight carefully and making recommendations based on that. As their doctor, it’s their business to do that. Is it yours? Not really. Pregnancy is not an invitation to comment on the expectant mother’s body. Just leave it alone. 5.) Whoa! Are you having twins?! Again, more body comments. Word to the wise, if you’re going to say something to a pregnant woman, especially about her body, “Whoa!” is not a good word to start with. That word should be used for things that are truly amazing and not in reference to a woman’s size. If you can’t contain yourself, at least be equal about it. Many soon-to-be fathers gain weight during pregnancy as well. There is no medical reason for this people! That’s a whoa moment. 6.) Any veterinary/cow comparisons. Everyone thinks they’re a comedian. I’ve only heard a few of these jokes so far, but this is a list that other veterinarians have provided for me, so I have a heads up on what every cattlemen is going to say to me in the coming months. I’ve also included some good responses that I came up with or other veterinarians came up with so I’m prepared with a funny, witty, or disturbing comeback.
7.) I don’t know why women need six weeks maternity leave. I had an appendectomy and was back to work in two weeks! If you’re wondering if someone (obviously a man) actually compared an appendectomy to childbirth, the answer is yes. Yes they did. Believe me. I know what it looks like to recover from an appendectomy. My father-in-law had two of them. If you’re wondering how it’s physically possible to have two appendectomies, just trust me that it’s a long story. I’m also pretty sure my father-in-law was back on the tractor doing farm work five days afterwards (probably against the doctor’s recommendations). As rough as it may have been for my father-in-law, he obviously did not have a screaming baby to take care of while his body healed. That’s a very obvious statement, but I guess some people need this pointed out. By the way, my father-in-law wasn’t the culprit behind this. He can whip out some offensive comments, but so far, they have not been about pregnancy. 8.) Female veterinarians really should be paid less. Their pregnancies make them a liability for the practice, and they miss more work to stay at home with their sick children. And you thought the last comment was bad. This one takes the cake. Part of me wishes that when this was said to me at a dinner party, that I had one too many glasses of wine and handled it with absolutely ZERO tact. Unfortunately, that was not the case because I was pregnant. So instead, I calmly and professionally educated him. I don’t really need to go into detail as to why this comment is inherently false and sexist, especially coming from someone in the leadership of our industry. I think the important thing to point out here is the fact that colleagues of mine time and time again prove comments like this wrong. Most of my colleagues who have been pregnant were delivering calves up until they went into labor. Many others were struggling with contractions all day while seeing appointments at their veterinary clinics. Another colleague of mine returned to classes in veterinary school just four days after having a c-section. Due to a strict rule of more than five missed classes resulting in a failing grade (and there are no exceptions made, even for childbirth), she had the choice of returning to classes quickly or deferring her education (and supporting her family) for an entire year. We all do what we have to do for our families. As the face of veterinary medicine changes to predominantly female, so do the traditional roles of the men in their lives. Most of my colleagues are the primary breadwinners of their families with frequently irregular schedules and emergencies. As a result, their husbands either stay at home full-time, or at least take over many responsibilities like cooking, grocery shopping, staying home with sick kids, etc. Families are more and more of a team approach, which can be difficult for older generations (particularly men of an older generation) to understand. It is our job to educate them and lead by example because the biggest liability in this situation and in our profession is leaders that view women this way. 9.) What are you going to do? Ummm...not quite sure how to respond to this one, especially in reference to news of a pregnancy. What am I going to do for lunch? (which is honestly what’s usually on my mind). What am I going to do this weekend? (probably not much since I’m pregnant and most likely on call). What am I going to do when the baby comes? Wait, you mean I actually have to take care of it? Gee, I hadn’t thought of that. I have a lot of planning to do! 10.) Can I touch your stomach? For me, unless you’re a close friend or family member, the answer is no. I have a bubble. I may be pregnant, but I am not an animal at a petting zoo. But thanks for asking, weird stranger. I know, sooner or later, someone isn’t even going to ask, they’re just going to dive in and rub my belly, but they will step away with a smack on the wrist from my catlike reflexes. There you go, folks! If you’re wondering what it’s like to be pregnant, I hope this was a somewhat entertaining way to show you. It probably also pointed out some obvious prejudices that exist in our profession and many others. My advice to those around pregnant individuals is consider some alternatives to the comments above. If you want to ask questions or learn more about a pregnancy, here is a good place to start: How are you feeling? Is there any way I can help you? You look great! What are you most excited about after your baby comes? All of these are safe comments/questions and might help you avoid the wrath of an emotional woman that just may have reached her limit of nosey questions for the day.
1 Comment
Laura
6/1/2016 12:05:06 pm
Too funny I can relate especially with #1, #4 & #5.
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Jessica Stroupe, DVM
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